I am my Boss’ Bitch

5 Nov


Woman answering multipe phones black and white


Now that I am a working woman I have responsibilities. And these responsibilities include getting to work on time, responding to emails, dressing appropriately, acting professional, not cursing people out when they try my patience, planning events, approving timecards and leaving at 5pm. Not 3, 2 or unfortunately 10am. But 5pm; unless I work through lunch then I’m out of that bitch at 4 o’clock on the dot. Oh and I forgot the biggest responsibility of them all: being my boss’ bitch.

In case we haven’t met before, hello cruel world my name is London. I work within the education system. I wear twenty different hats at work on any given day and the most important one (at least for my success) is being Megan’s bitch. Who is Megan you ask? Megan is my direct supervisor.

She has thirteen years of experience in this field compared to my four, three of which I gained in college. She has a masters in this field. (I am on my tenth student loan payment for my undergraduate degree). She actually enjoys what we do and wants to learn more and advance in this field. I am searching for an escape route that leads to my desired field. She’s thirty and “established.” I’m twenty-three and confused, hung over and indecisive. She’s married and wants a child. I’m #singleinmy20s and think unruly children are an excellent form of birth control.

Despite all of these differences our paths have crossed in the form of me being her supervisee aka her bitch. I know you’re thinking London, working for someone doesn’t make you their bitch. But according to my very extensive work experience of one year this statement unfortunately is very true.

Over this past year I have quickly learned what my responsibilities are. I know you’re thinking: “London, can I call you Lo? In order to find out what your responsibilities are just read your job description and handbook.” First, no you may not call me anything other than London, Gorgeous or Queen of the World. Second, you would assume it is that easy but I promise you it is not. There is this four word clause in the job description that at first glance does not seem so bad but it is the phrase that turns you from employee to bitch. This phrase my darlings (cue scary music) is: “other duties as assigned.” See when you read it, it doesn’t sound bad. But trust me it is like your favorite MAC concealer, covering up the blemishes and making you look flawless. Underneath all the fabulous MAC is a bunch of assignments, errands, and headaches you do not want.

It was made very clear to me early on, the role I played in the company. I was the side bitch if you will. My assistant director, Harry, has a main bitch and a side bitch. That’s right you guessed it your beloved London is the side bitch. I do all the tasks the main bitch aka Megan does not want to do. So I do things like writing various reports, locating students, escorting students to different locations and even manual labor. I’m literally holding back tears from typing the “M” and “L” words and the horrible memories that have surfaced regarding those atrocious two words. Megan has had me do all kinds of things like drive to the store during the early stages of an oncoming blizzard to purchase office supplies and doughnuts for our office and students.

Obviously while I am doing these tasks I have time to reflect on 1. how shitty my life is and 2. what the hell can I do to not be the side bitch anymore. I constantly rack my brain thinking that there has to be a “quick fix” that will get us out of the bitch zone, the friend zone but for bitches. Sadly, I have come to the realization in my year working that there is no quick fix to getting out of the bitch zone. Everyone will work their way out of this zone in time.

So far the best way to expedite your travel process through the bitch zone is to remember that your main job, despite what your description says, is to make your boss look good. When they ask you to complete a presentation for them or do something else always give 100%. If you cannot do 100% give at least 80%-85%. I know we lived by the motto C’s get degrees in college but that really does not fly in the workplace. You have to give at least a solid “B” for effort and effectiveness. Although your boss may not give you the credit or recognition you desire they will realize, even if it is just internally, that they only look good/intelligent/efficient to their supervisors due to your efforts. And this will help you look better in their eyes and possibly set you up for a new position within the company or a positive recommendation letter for a job that is in your field.

I know that is probably not the answer or quick fix for getting out of bitch zone you were hoping for. But I try to count my blessings whenever I feel like the demands of the bitch zone are too much to bear. I remind myself that although there are several things about Megan that I do not care for, in the grand scheme of things she is not that bad. My rule of thumb is if your supervisor would not land a role in the movie Horrible Bosses then you have something to be grateful for. Megan has never inappropriately touched me, discriminated against me, created a hostile work environment or anything else HR worthy so all in all being her bitch is not the end of the world. Well maybe it is the end of the world but it certainly is not the end of the universe. Make sense? I know the bitch zone sucks, trust me I know. But in the words of Drake we have to start from the bottom so we can appreciate life when we get to the top. So for now I encourage you to cherish the “little things” and take in every moment of the bitch zone. So when we get to the top we can truly celebrate our success, think back to this very dark time in our lives aka the bitch zone and laugh. Of course the laughs will happen in between sips of my $30 Sex and the City-like cocktail. Lesson learned.


Protect Your Feelings

3 Jan

Protect Your Feelings Photo

Hello wonderful people. I know, I know I’ve fallen off the face of the earth. Truth be told I stepped on a pile of clothes in my room and got sucked into a vortex of college stuff, sweatpants, flats, club stilettos, normal stilettos, professionalish stilettos, church stilettos, wedges, college T-shirts, button downs, old textbooks, my computer, 50 shopping bags (yes I know I have a shopping problem), tissues full of tears during my unemployed stage, my jailbird Halloween dress, job applications to stores at the mall, my little sister and anything and everything else. Honestly, I think the fact that I was able to find my way out of this cyclone in only a few months is worth an Olympic medal. And I’m not talking bronze or silver or even gold. For this profound accomplishment I deserve a platinum diamond medal. So while I wait for the Olympic judges to send me my medal I’ll share with you one of the most important things I learned while I was fighting for my existence against the vortex.

First of all, I am no longer unemployed. Praise God! But do not worry your pretty little head; for those of my bffls who are still unemployed the struggle will soon end. I promise. And for those of you who are questioning my credibility to still be able to understand the unemployed problems now that I have a job, off with your heads. My post grad struggle has been realer than The Real World, Love and Hip Hop (NY and ATL), the Real Housewives and Keeping up with the Kardashians. Well, maybe not the Kardashians those bitches are crazy. But either way, I have more credibility than Visa, MasterCard, Discover and American Express combined. Trust me dahling! And to prove it I’m going to share with you my foolproof way to ensure that you don’t end up like Rich Homie Quan feeling some type of way when you do not get a job, again, again and again.

The most important point to understand is that the odds are against you my friend. And not in a fun I accept the challenge kind of way but a seemingly impossible to overcome kind of way. As of June 2013, the unemployment rate was 7.6% and the unemployment rate before the financial crash of 2008 was 4.7%. This past summer the government shut down. Let that sink in for a moment people. The whole entire United States of America’s government shut shit down and not in a good way. Back in the day and by back in the day I mean before this whole deficit thing came into the picture, college graduates could depend on a possible job with the U.S. government if nothing else worked out. Not only are businesses downsizing but the United States Federal freaking government temporarily eliminated everyone. How do people expect us to find jobs when one of the biggest job markets just stopped providing jobs temporarily? See, I told you seemingly impossible.

Second, look at the number of new graduates that entered the job market in May of 2013, 1.8 million to be exact. So now you are competing with all of these other people and many of them were the president of their student council or fraternity, volunteered and have a 2.5 or higher GPA just like you. And as a recent college grad more than likely you (don’t worry I am definitely included in this you) lack experience. And you know what jobs want? That’s right mother fluffing experience.

I know you are amazingly wonderful (obviously because you’re my friend) but there will always be someone better than you. More qualified with more connections and more of that damn experience. So if you remember that and these next few things I can promise you that you will not lose your mind or your confidence as you keep hearing no over and over again.

1. Don’t get excited when you get an interview or a call back from a job you applied for. Yes, you are one step closer to possibly being employed but that call back or interview could also end in a big fat no. I know you are thinking London, did you wake up on the wrong side of the bed this morning? Did someone try to take away your Chanel? No, since I am your real friend I am being brutally honest with you as I wish someone had been with me. Completely honest about how confidence crushing this whole experience is.

2. Apply for anything and everything. As college grads we usually just apply for things that we want to do or are in our desired field which makes sense because it is what we are interested in. However, due to the fact that we lack experience we need to be applying for everything we possibly could get hired for. If you have an art minor start applying for positions at museums and other artsy places. Currently my job is not in my desired field. In fact if you said, London after you graduate you will end up working in the higher education field; I would have told you do not wish such unfabulous things on my life. But now that I am here and have put it in perspective (the perspective being it was the only offer I got) I took it. And it is not the end of the world. Just like if you get an offer that is not in your field it will not be the end of the world either.

3. You have got to check your ego at the graduation stage and eat a nice big juicy piece of humble pie. Personally, I prefer a humble drink maybe a lemon drop that sounds humbling. You know what else is humbling? Tequila! Jose Cuervo will have you sharing your last chicken nugget with the homeless man you walk past every day. Anyway, that “I have a bachelor’s degree I should not have to do that kind of job” will not work if you want to be employed. Swallow your pride and apply for those “just for right now” jobs. Go ahead and apply to places like Bath and Body Works. At least you’ll have some sort of income but more importantly it is their semiannual sale and you will get a great discount on the stuff that’s already on sale! By working there at least you will smell like you have your life together.

4. If you can help it only talk about your unemployment struggles with your friends. You will stress your parents out if you talk to them about how real the struggle is.; and stressed out parents usually equal an annoyed or stressed out child. In their heads they will see their currently 22 year old child at 32 (yes they just aged you ten years unnecessarily and yes that is incredibly rude of them) still living in their home, eating their food, using their electricity, showers and all the other perks of living at home. Also, parents do not understand the 2K13 college grad unemployment struggle and trying to explain it to them is more tiring and frustrating that applying for jobs online. So just continue to tell them you are working on it and they will be the first to know of any changes in your employment status.

5. Don’t compare your success or lack thereof to your friends, acquaintances or other people you know. You have no idea what is in store for you so do NOT waste your energy doubting yourself because you are not on their “level” yet. Besides with filters, Photoshop and social media people can appear to be something that they are not. So there is no need to stress over things that could be false. According to Theodore Roosevelt, “comparison is the thief of joy” and I could not agree more with him. Just live your life for you, focus on your goals, your aspirations; wants and desires; and happiness will come chasing you.

If you follow these guidelines I cannot promise you that you will be employed tomorrow but what I can guarantee is that your feelings and confidence level will be protected and you will not feel like taking shots of Everclear every time you get denied from another opportunity. Remember that the universe and the higher powers that be know what they are doing and when the opportunity is right for you. That is the one you will get. Lesson Learned.

Photo Credit: http://www.flickr.com/photos/35654668@N08/4312137901/”>neohypofilms</a> 

College does not Prepare you for Real Life

3 Sep

College does not prepare you for the real world

Well hello there friend. That’s right I called you friend because that’s what we are friends. And as your bffl I’m going to tell you who’s not your friend. Those guidance counselors or anyone else who told you that college prepares you for the world that lies ahead. They lied to your beautiful face. And as your real friend I’m going to tell you the truth. Trust me; my life is proof that those words are utter bullshit.

1. In the real world getting up any time before 11AM is not considered early.

2. If you don’t pay for your food (aka swipe your meal plan card) in the real world that is called stealing. And this type of stealing will get you more than just a few dirty looks if anyone notices at all. Walking out of a dining establishment with their silverware, plates, cups, food, containers full of milk or fruit juice that you plan to later mix with cereal or alcohol won’t fly in the real world.

3. If you break real world laws and rules you’ll see someone other than the Dean of Student Affairs and your punishment will be a lot worse than 20 hours of community service. I’m talking fines and jail time. You’ll have to ruin your fresh mani while getting your fingers printed at the police station. And no, you can’t pay your fines with dining dollars; they require the type of money that is relevant outside of your campus.

4. If you decide not to go to work you can’t just ask your coworker, “Hey, what did we do at work today?” That will not work out for you in this foreign universe called real life.

5. You cannot show up for your 8AM meeting in you Dirty Disney outfit from the Kappa’s theme party last night nor can you wear sunglasses to help disguise your hangover.

6. You also cannot fall asleep at work! Unlike your professors, your boss will notice and they will care. And if by some chance your supervisor doesn’t notice, this my friend is not college. Your coworkers will bring your lack of productivity to your boss’ attention. Sweet dreams my loves. More like welcome to this nightmare of the college grad life.

7. Going to the gym after work is a lot harder than going after class. First, by the time 5 o’clock rolls around you’re tired. The gym no longer fits into your schedule as nicely as 9:30-10:50AM Spanish class, 11-12PM gym, 12PM lunch and 1:30-2:50PM Accounting class. Second, you can’t walk to the gym anymore. Now you have to drive probably like 15 minutes, if you’re lucky, to get to the gym. Third, you have to pay for a gym membership. It doesn’t come with tuition anymore. I was so upset when I realized I couldn’t see my personal trainer anymore. And I was heartbroken when I figured out how much they cost and came to the realization that I cannot afford a personal trainer right now. Working out without someone else counting for you and telling you what to do really doesn’t mesh well with my lifestyle. Unfortunately, it’s a part of the broke college graduate lifestyle which I now live much to my dismay.

8. In the real world you have to actually cook for yourself and you have to go grocery shopping too. No more never ending buffets where you can eat until your heart is content, put your dirty dishes on this magical belt, walk away and bitch about how unsatisfied you are with the food you just ate. In the big kid world if you are unsatisfied with your meal, you can only be mad at yourself because you made it. And this magical belt is now your kitchen sink except you have to do all the dishes yourself. Also, take it from me, your real friend, cooking for one is depressing.

9. In this weird ass universe no one cares about who slept with who or what Lindsey or Sean did at the Pi Kap house last Thursday. Adults make conversation over topics mentioned on the news, politics, current events and of course all of the marvelous things their children have accomplished, which we have no desire to hear about. You know the same type of conversation topics that you were oblivious to in college. And just like you don’t want to hear about little Kimmy’s first soccer goal, they do not want to hear about your amazing keg stand performance last night. I know you’re proud of your Sasha Fierce like way of capturing the attention of the crown as you kegged on. And I’m proud of you too! Really, I am. But Kimmy’s achievement is just a little bit more appropriate for work conversation. I know, I know, your keg stand requires more skill and talent than Kimmy’s goal. I know you’re thinking, “Who cares about Kimmy’s goal?” Your boss does. And so does everyone else over the age of 25. I agree, it does suck huge hairy monkey balls but that’s the way the real world works.

10. You know how during inclement weather you wake up and someone has magically shoveled all the snow off the pathways and put down salt? Well guess what? That little magical elf is now you.

11. When your boss is sick, unlike class, you still have to go to work. Unfortunately, work doesn’t get cancelled. And even if for some strange reason you cannot go into the office they make you work from home.

12. When your washing machine breaks or a light bulb needs to be changed you can no longer email workorder@univ.edu and expect results in 1-2 business days from your faithful maintenance men who can fix anything. You now have to DIY or call your own maintenance service. You also have to pay this new maintenance service. That’s right, with real money. Dining dollars don’t count, you’re catching on.

13. When you lock yourself out of your room, apartment or house you can’t call public safety or campus security anymore. The real 911 will not consider that an emergency. You have to call a locksmith and they will charge you a whole lot more than the $5-$10 fine public safety charges you.

14. There are no more escorts when you feel unsafe or rides through some unlit part of town to your apartment or car. You better put on your big girl Victoria Secret PINK panties or your big boy Hanes boxers, channel Usain Bolt and run Forest RUN!!

15. At work you have to sit from 9AM-5PM, usually at a desk chained to a computer. If you’re lucky you’ll at least get a comfy chair. There are no more 2-3 hour breaks in your schedule where you can take a nap, relax or work on an assignment you didn’t complete because you were too busy having a social life. You have to work and be productive all day long.

See I told you those people lied to you. I don’t know why we ever trusted them in the first place. I think it was their uncanny way of turning a five page essay into thousands of dollars for tuition money. However, we should have known they were up to no good when we looked at the word University.

Universe –> University

The word Universe is in University. Despite all the lies and deceit from those guidance counselor and academic adviser frenemies out there, we now know that college really is a universe of its own which clearly cannot be compared to the working world. Lesson Learned.

Home Is Where The Heart Is

16 Aug

It is officially August. Those July heat waves have subsided, we’ve gotten our summer tan, whether natural or tanning bed induced, we’ve worn the hell out of our short shorts, tank tops and flip flops. We are slowly getting the hang of this adult thing. Until we get on Facebook and we see a bunch of statuses from our friends who have not graduated saying, “Parents irritating the hell out of me. Ready to go back to school. #15 days” “Miss all my friends. Can’t wait to reunite!” and “I miss all of our shenanigans. I’m ready for the back to school gym jam!” As you are mindlessly scrolling through all of the status updates you subconsciously do a self evaluation where you realize that you feel just like your friends despite the fact that many of them are just your Twitter followers and not your friends in real life. It doesn’t matter because right now you are in sync with their emotions. Your parents are also getting on your nerves and you are tired of being at home as well. You want more shenanigans and time for memory making too. But you cannot have many of these things because you’ve graduated. Then it hits you, like the school bus that obliterated Regina George in Mean Girls, for the first time in your existence its August and you are not preparing for school. No more buying books, no more last minute errands, no more preparing to move into a new space. That part of your life is over. And it feels weird. Your entire life all you’ve ever known was school and now that chapter of your life is over­­ –at least for the time being. Luckily for me one of my roommates from my summer ’12 apartment, who was a recent graduate at the time, shared some of her wisdom with me about this hard life that I am now experiencing. Saraphina told me and my other roommate Cassidy, both of us approaching our senior year naïve about how difficult life was about to get for us, that August of 2013 was coming for us and it would make us feel strange. All those damn statuses reminding us about a life we used to have a life that is now gone. Think about it, we have spent four years in a place where we’ve grown, cried, experienced life and made some kickass memories. But now this place we called home is no longer ours. We are now visitors.

At my institution our unofficial theme song is Wagon Wheel by Old Crow Medicine Show. Now I never heard this song before I came to college. But like everyone else when it came on at social events I would sing along and enjoy those three minutes and fifty-six seconds. Never in a million years would I have ever thought I would play that song by choice. Yet here I am one and a half months out of college playing Wagon Wheel on YouTube by choice. I am under no circumstances being forced against my will. Now I know what you’re thinking, one time is not that bad, London. You are overreacting you drama queen. Now let’s not result to name calling but I do appreciate you recognizing that I am royalty. Honestly, I am glad you noticed and I did not have to tell you. This is proof that our friendship will go far.   However, I played the song multiple times not two, three or four but the song was on repeat for like an hour and a half while I filled out job applications screaming out: “rock me mama like a wagon wheel. Heyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy mama rock me” in my Southern voice that my roommate Maria helped me perfect. On another note, this southern voice of mine sounds best when I’m hot then I can say things like it’s hotter in here than three sinners in church. Now I understand that you are questioning where I stand on the royal hierarchy of drama queenness, especially after telling you about my fake southern voice, but I promise you I am not exaggerating. My sudden crave to listen to Old Crow Medicine Show when the only musician I listen to on repeat is Beyoncé should be enough proof to anyone that you will deeply miss that place you once called home.

During my graduation, our class president Hillary said something during her speech that stuck with me (and obviously applies to this post). Hillary referred to the saying home is where your heart is. She went on talking about how our school has captured her heart over the past four years and no matter where in the world she ends up she knows she will always have a home at the place where she entered as a girl and left a woman, our alma mater, because that is where her heart is. So as we deal with the weird feelings that come with not going back to school this fall and watching our college student friends go back to a place that used to be ours, instead of envying them because their weekends still start on Thursday, let’s remember the words of Señorita Hillary, home is where the heart is and as long as your heart is with your alma mater you will always have a home there. Lesson Learned.

Sun Salutations, Tree Pose: Peace and Quiet

25 Jul

Sun Salutations, Tree Pose-Peace and Quiet

Congratulations! You have this diploma now, allegedly. You have made it through finals and all of your family coming to town for Graduation.  Also, let’s not forget that intensely long car ride back to the place you call your permanent residence; since over the past four years the term home meant school. Hopefully you packed a drug of your choice, preferably a legal one, to help with the headache that comes from traveling with family. Personally, I prefer Tylenol to prevent the migraine that comes from everyone’s bickering, back seat driving, opinions on the radio station, ridiculously high gas prices and everyone’s inability to hold their bladder. Now that you are home many people make the following mistake.

“Home from College! Officially a College Grad! #alumni #classof2013”

That’s right updating your social media statuses with your location. Now some of you may not understand what the issue is. And that’s okay. Remember, we said we were going to trust each other. Do we need another trust fall? My nails are not done today so I am very willing to catch you. No? Okay, well then just trust me. Status updates are a big mistake. You’ll understand why shortly. If you update your status letting the world know that you are back in town. EVERYONE and I mean EVERYONE. I’m talking about EVERYONE and their mamas and fathers and brothers, sisters, bffs, exbffs, exbfs, current bfs, future bfs and gfs will want to get together, catch up, hang out, chill, shoot the breeze, and any other phrase out there for socializing. Now I know you don’t understand what the problem is yet. And that’s okay I’ll break it down.

Those last few weeks of college are pure satanic. You are trying to balance packing, studying, final taking, job applications, grad school stuff, making last minute memories, partying, getting logistics together for everyone’s arrival into town for your Commencement ceremony, trying not to pull your hair out and other things. You and I both know this list goes on forever. But the only thing that does not make this list is sleeping and eating. Well at least eating something other than pizza, chips, soda and alcohol. So when you finally get home, the first thing you want to do is breathe and indulge in peace, quiet, sleep and pure utter laziness. That’s what you want. You want time to catch up on your TV shows and remember what the inside of your eyelids look like. I promise you, you will be exhausted and you need time to relax. After weeks if not months of being on the go your body craves time to be still and at rest. You owe this time to yourself. And you cannot achieve this if you are shooting the breeze with the entire world.

We all know that most people have trouble saying no. And even if you can say no to your bff from 7th grade you will feel bad about it. So if you do not update your status about your whereabouts you do not have to tell anyone no, I can’t hang out tonight. No, I’m not busy. I’m just tired from all this greatness I just achieved and I need some alone time to recover from the awesomeness of being me. I believe Kendrick Lamar says it best when he goes, “Bitch, don’t kill my vibe.” And right now your vibe is to be pretending you are in one of those Corona commercials on the beach by yourself with a nice beverage of your choice. Personally, I can’t get down with the Coronas; Cranberry and Vodka now that’s another story.

If you are dying and feel the need to hang out with some of your friends, do the following. Now I know this may sound like a foreign concept but pick up the phone and call them or shoot them a text. And tell them what a privilege it is to hang out with you during your Corona commercial beach break. This way you can get together with who you actually want to hang out with; without having to feel guilty about the list of people who say they want to see you when we all know you only want to spend time with 2% of those individuals. Of course this list includes that one friend who is really an acquaintance who thinks he’s a friend but you keep him around because he’s more than likely going places. Don’t judge me. We all have a few people we keep around for those reasons.

Spend some time with your favorite, most stylish, smartest, nicest person in the world. You. Then focus on everyone else. Trust me, your body and your friends will thank you for the Corona commercial beach break time. Lesson Learned.

Where did all this stuff come from: Packing

19 Jul

Where did all this stuff come from-Packing photo

One would think that over the past four years or so that the college student would have perfected the art of packing. After every year we pack up all of our stuff, the clothes, textbooks, notebooks, party supplies, and other random crap. Put it in boxes, take it home, move it to storage, etc. And then in three short months unpack it all again.

But if this relationship is going to work we’re going to need to be honest with one another. So here goes our first trust fall. Ready? Fall back, I’ll catch you. Despite the fact that I am rocking a fresh manicure, play date by Essie in case you wanted to know. You and I both know that we are no packing experts. We throw a bunch of stuff in tote bags and boxes and label everything with generic phrases like desk stuff, clothes or shit and more shit. We both know that some of us use old food boxes to pack our clothes. Don’t hate on the frugal students who go to Wally World in the middle of the night to get free boxes for their stuff. And I know some of you out there have tried to send your rental textbooks back in old Domino’s pizza boxes. This is a judge free zone. I understand, like I said before the struggle is real.

Every year we come back in August and go “what the hell was I thinking labeling every box random stuff” and “where the hell are my towels and body wash I want to take a shower and go to sleep.” Then we make a vow to do better next May and the cycle continues. However, the final semester shit really gets real because EVERYTHING must go. It’s like one of those: this store is closing for good and everything must go sales so everything is super cheap. I live for those moments; literally my heart beats for a good sale.

To help you get through the realness of shit, I have created a foolproof list of ways to make packing go as smooth as possible. This way you can check out of your dorm on Graduation day wearing a super chic outfit, with sunglasses of course, instead of being super sweaty from all the moving rocking your last clean pair of shorts.

1. Now if you have too much stuff like I did, I’m talking about enough stuff to probably fill 2-3 dorm rooms, start packing ASAP. Now I’m not talking about ASAP as in reading day. I’m talking about start taking things you won’t need anymore home over Fall and Thanksgiving breaks. If you really want a head start when you pack up in May at the end of your junior year send some of that stuff home for good. Over Winter break you should be taking a large portion of your stuff home. Send home those winter coats and all the scarves especially if you go to school in an area with warmer weather on the horizon. By the end of the year ideally you shouldn’t have too much to take home.

2. Throw some stuff away. You are on your way to being a college graduate. You do not need white erase boards to put on your door. You also do not need all your posters and party flyers. Get rid of the things that will most likely just sit in a box.

3. Stop labeling everything with non-descriptive words. Pack things away using a method. Like winter clothes, spring clothes, desk supplies, decorations, etc. See doesn’t that make more sense than London’s stuff 1 and London’s stuff 2?

4. This step is very important. Read carefully. Enlist a packing army. Now the most common mistake is getting family to help. Wrong! You’re family more than likely gets on your nerves. You’ve just spent the entire day with them and more than likely you are getting ready to embark on a long car ride home with them. You need people that love the uncensored version of you for this job. Get your underclassmen friends to help you. After eating lunch with my family my junior friends, Briana, Victoria, Jade and Rachel helped me pack up all my stuff. This way not only do you get the job done but you get to make a few last memories.

5. Make sure your family is aware of how much stuff you have so they can make the necessary arrangements to ensure that all of your things fit in the car. There is nothing worse than having to listen to siblings complain for eight hours about how they are squished because of your things.

If you follow this guide to a tee you should avoid all packing fiascoes. Lesson Learned.

Hi Group, my name is London. And I’m a recent college graduate.

18 Jul

My name is London. Yes, just like the city, except I’m a person. On May 25th 2013 I put on a super fashionable yet timeless dress and black wedges that my friend Rachel and I picked out two days before. I put on my cap and gown as well as my cords and stoles irritated that I could not get the damn cords to stay in place. My roommates and I drove to the graduation site, parked the car and got in line. We processed in, took our seats, waited patiently through all of the speeches until it was our time. By waiting patiently I mean we were taking photos, texting and on Instagram. As they called my name I grabbed my diploma, shook hands with the president, got my hood, smiled for the photos, did my royal wave to my family and friends while walking back to my seat. As I sat down my first thought besides relief that my wedges did not get stuck in the muddy terrain was wow, this is the most expensive piece of paper I have ever seen in my life. All my blood, sweat, tears, and caffeine induced comas for a 9 by 7 inch piece of paper written in Latin. The only thing I could read was my name. Over $100,000 and I can’t even read the damn thing. At this moment I knew there were some things about this world that someone should have told me, a now college graduate, about life after the commencement ceremony.

This is my gift to you. If your undergraduate years are coming to a close learn from all my bumps in the road. Lesson number one, don’t graduate. It’s overrated. If you have already graduated you can share in my pain and know that you are not the only one living on the struggle bus. Personally, I prefer the struggle party bus. I feel it is a little bit classier but regardless of however you spin it the college grad struggle is real. Welcome to my confessions aka your free textbook to help you enter the big girl/big boy world. Your welcome.

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